Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
