just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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