saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
