just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
