How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
