i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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