can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
