Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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