genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
