Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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