Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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