Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
