If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
