I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
