I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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