took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
