i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
