watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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