I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the day after is always just damage control
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
