it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
