end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
