bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
