You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
