When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
