did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
