I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
