There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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