She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
