I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
