This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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