I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i think im in europe. pls send help
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
