That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
