and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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