the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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