I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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