Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
