Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
