If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
