well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
