Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
