Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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