He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
