Your tits are I can't wait for
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
