I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
