from now on my penis is your penis
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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