i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
be right there i have to get my cape
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
