i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
