Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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