Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
