Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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