That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
