toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
