She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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