Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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