I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
