I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
