I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
