Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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