There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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