it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
